So today I met with my family practice doc, Dr. B, to discuss some other symptoms that are up right now. In combination with the enlarged lymph nodes, I get these weird night chills. I am so cold that I am covered in goosebumps and shivering hard, and under my electric blanket (on high), with blankets piled on top, snuggled next to my husband too. I just feel like I can't get warm. Then I fall asleep and wake up in a wet sweat from head to toe, and after I cool down, I sleep just fine after that. It's random, it happens a couple of times a week, and when I suggested it to the endocrinologist she said something along the lines of, "that needs to be checked out, but not here, today." It's just not her area. So I took the hint and made an appointment. Today was the day.
The doc examined all of my lymph nodes and in my chart wrote that the ones in my neck and face are enlarged. I have lymph nodes in my face?! She is doing some blood work and based on those results we will need to look at a chest and abdominal x-ray, which... I have some feelings about. Nothing makes you more skittish about x-ray than having had cancer, let me tell you. But right now I'm just going to sit with this and wait and see what these results say. There was a time when I expected my results to be normal, and unfortunately... I don't anymore. I am ready for all the possibilities. It kind of sucks, like maybe some innocence was taken away by having had cancer.
So she did throw out the big "L" word, 'lymphoma', I was hoping not to hear. We're not looking for that specifically, we're looking for ALL possibilities, but something is definitely up. I'm hoping between my family practice doc and my endo we can figure out what's happening.
Randy asked me, "How are you?" I felt really okay until he asked me, and then I started to cry. So just.. don't ask me, unless you are ready for tears, because I really am okay, I really am- and the tears are right under the surface.
Assuming all the results are normal, we should have them all back by tomorrow night. Let's hope for that.