I think that was the longest, hardest sleep I've had in... ages. I can't even remember being that exhausted (while not sick), and sleeping like the dead. I needed it. I'm still tired this morning (bone weary, like after a birth) but at least I feel like I'm starting off on the right foot.
A peep into my thoughts on this whole situation, my own little "Post Secret"...
* Cancer? REALLY? I don't know, man.
* Oh my god I can't poop, do I have cancer there too?
* Butt cancer... hahaha! Oh wait, it's not funny... (butt cancer, hahah!!)
* 80% is good odds, I will not think about the 20%, I will not think about the 20%....
* Gods, I love my husband. I wish words could capture it, and I am also glad they can't.
* I'm so grateful my kids are chilled out about this, although the distraction of caring for someone else and making someone else feel better would be sooo nice right now
* Friends? Are you doing okay? Anyone need to talk? I mean, I could *help*. No?... damnit. Okay.
* Lymph node, settle the fuck down, you scare me. Stop doing that thing you do.
* Hey! I said settle down.
* You can not cut the cancer out by yourself, Kristina. Stop it right now!
* I'm not so sure I'm a fan of the changes my body is making as it ages - cancer??!
* I want to name it something else. Something disempowering and ridiculous. "C-A-N-C-E-R" is too loaded and this shit is not taking ME down.
I dreamed that the Animals came and talked to me and they told me there is something I need to do. I said, "I know, but where do I start?" I knew what I needed to do (there was a Journey involved). There is some truth for me to discover, and claim - I don't know. It's out there, I'm open to it, I will step forward when the time comes.
I say YES! when the Spirits tell me what I need to do but that does NOT mean I like it! So if stupid-cancer is where I need to be right now, then it's perfect, and I'll do it. And I'll kick ass.
Rambly? This is my brain right now. Rambling.