I am slowly getting rewired to this new reality- the "cancer" reality. I realized today that I now have a 'pre-existing condition.' I don't even know the ramifications of that but it seems like they're pretty messed up for most people.
I wanted to share with you a miracle that happened today - and maybe it wont' translate that way but in the moment, there was nothing pure purely perfect and I am sure I met an angel today.
A woman came into my henna booth for some henna, and as I was working on her, her mom came in, all a-bustle about how hot she was. She explained she was on medications that make her sensitive to the sun and so she was covered head to toe on a 73 degree day, and was rosy pink from over heating. Her daughter was getting a zodiac henna design and 'Rosy' said she was a Libra and asked what her sign looked like.
I love meeting other Libras (because I am one too) so I asked what her birthday was, and she said, "October... 17th!" I was so tickled becuase that's my birthday too, and we high fived and then she said, "I am a professional singer and I want to give you something."
Then she started singing, right in the middle of my booth, and she was made of light, rosy pink light. And I couldn't hear the words because I was so overwhelmed but I know that she was blessing me with her words and music. The last line was, "And may God hold you in the hollow of His hand." She held her hand out, cupping it toward me as the final notes filtered out around us and I burst into tears right there.
It was so random, and so beautiful and selflessly given, and I need to be held in the hollow of God/dess's hands, I need to know that I am a warrior, and that there is a banner for my fight.
Today, while I woke up still feeling a little inebriated from last night's shenanigans (a post for another time), everything clicked. Everything worked. I didn't forget anything, I didn't wake up my family on my way out. I even went to the grocery store without a list and remembered everything I needed (my husband won't believe it). I arrived and my tent was intact, everything flowed, I had a record day of sales and when I just checked in spiritually, the word I kept coming back to was 'tended'. I feel like I am being tended on Earth and in the spirit world, and that I will not lack for witnesses, attendants, love, arms, and best of all, some awesome shenanigans, as I go through this.
I am so grateful to be as busy as I am right now- too busy to think too much about it. But I know that I need to. I am making time for my family, and just for one day, it means I need to let myself make room for cancer. Just for one day. I have to continue to move in the direction of healing and that means that it's time to engage it. It'll be a deep breath, and maybe some sparks will fly and some hairs singed, but I need to rewire just enough to keep me focused on healing from cancer.
I don't want a ribbon on my car about cancer. I don't want a tattoo that identifies me as a survivor or even mentions cancer at all. I am just going to get over this silly thing and go on.