Thursday, June 14, 2012

Bad form

It must be bad form to be at the birth of a friend's baby, a delicious waterbirth, and talking about cancer.

It feels like only happy, hopeful things should be discussed. And in a weird way, talking about it is happy and hopeful because the treatment is relatively (and I mean, relatively to other cancer treatments) simple, and it is 'only' thyroid cancer, so that's good, right? Thinking about a cancer free future should feel happy, but it's dusted with the knowledge that I would only be appreciating a cancer free 'future' if I didn't have a cancerous 'present'.

It also must be bad form to be at this birth thinking, "Oh shit. Now there's no one else to focus on. Now it's all about treatment." That feels dark, and selfish, but it's what I thought after we got mama settled in nursing her babe - walking down the hallway. I don't like it, but it's what's true.

So Monday... tick-tock.. tick-tock.

I hope this is like my eyebrows in modeling school.

1 comment:

  1. It's all about you now, girl. You've got a big job ahead - and I know you know it - but I have so much confidence that you're going to handle it with courage and grab cancer by the ballsack and tell it a thing or two. [BTW, is ballsack one word or two?]

    Thinking of you, as always...